Whenever couples with children decide to divorce or separate, they agonize over how their children will cope with the inevitable changes that some with the split. And for good reason: children of divorce often struggle – at least initially – with the changes in everything from their home life to splitting time between parents, living part of the time in two homes, not to mention the emotional stress. Every parent wants to make things as smooth as possible for their kids. Here are 6 “dos and don’ts” of co-parenting well.
#1 DO: Make an Extra Effort to Communicate
So many of the rough spots in co-parenting come back to something that sounds so simple: communication. Why is it so difficult? Well, it’s difficult because emotions, stress, anger and pain can make both how we communicate as well as how we process information a challenge. For this reason, it’s critical that both of you redouble your efforts to communicate effectively. Follow phone calls with confirmation emails, ask for clarification and go the extra mile to be a great communicator.
#2 DO: Agree on Consistency
Try to agree on some consistent rules which apply with either parent, at either home. Bedtime (or curfew for older kids) is a great example. If your child has a different bedtime at mom’s house than at dad’s house, two things will invariably happen. First, the parent with the earlier bedtime gets to be the “bad guy.” Second, at least part of the time, you’ll have a tired kiddo. Agree on the bedtime and stick to it always.
#3 DO: Work as a Team
Like it or not, you are a team as far as your kids are concerned. You are – together – their parents. So, now is a great time to start working together as a team. You need to be willing to trade weekends, cover the parent-teacher conferences, or even send a reminder text that it’s their turn to bring the snacks for soccer.
#4 DON’T: Disrespect your Ex in Front of your Kids
As frustrated or angry as you get with your ex, avoid airing it in front of your child. Remember, that’s their mom or dad you’re talking about. When you speak poorly about your ex to your child, they may feel the need to defend them – or worse – they may feel like they need to agree with you. You’re transferring your own issues about your ex to your child. Do you want to be the reason their relationship suffers? Think it over.
#5 DON’T: Compete with your Ex
Parenting isn’t about being your child’s best friend. Parenting is about guiding them and teaching them the skills that will serve them for life. So, don’t spend time trying to be the “cool parent” by easing rules or “one-upping” your ex when it comes to holidays, vacations, or gifts.
#6 DON’T: Use your Kids as Leverage
Kids aren’t weapons to use against your ex. Don’t engage in petty power-plays about who gets the kids on every holiday or make up new concerns about your ex’s new significant other. You have a parenting plan, so stick to it and stay calm.
Co-Parenting isn’t easy. But these easy tips will help you remember what’s truly important: that your kids have a stable environment with two parents who love them.
The post 6 Dos and Don’ts of Co-Parenting Well appeared first on Big Blended Family.