The relationship between brothers shifts back and forth, much like a seesaw, from best bud to annoying sibling. This is a reality every parent will deal with in degrees. Boys will be boys and fights are bound to happen. However, it is possible for parents to lower the temperature of un-brotherly arguments. It may not be easy but there is hope for those struggling to maintain peace between hostile boys. Here are some practical ways to help tone down brother fights and hopefully teach healthy conflict management in the process!
Avoid Negative Situations and Speech
Prevention goes miles when shifting the culture of brotherly affection. Help brothers identify (be a guide, don’t just give them the answers) situations that normally spark rivalry and end with hateful arguments. Once brothers have identified these situations, have them write them down. Put it on the refrigerator. Have each brother read it daily reminding them to be on guard. Situational prevention can only go so far. As a parent, you must also work to avoid negative talk amongst brothers. This, however, begins with you! If kids watch mom and dad speak nicely to each other, brothers are more apt to imitate. If brothers watch mom and dad have a healthy, loving disagreement, the likelihood of positive situations and speech will dramatically increase. Of course, parents will need to teach (verbally) encouraging speech, but actions speak loudly.
Major on the Majors, Minor on the Minors
This principle will allow parents, or anyone for that matter, much greater influence in the life of children. When brothers argue over toys, seating arrangements, clothes, or any other small issue allow them to settle the conflict (nicely) on their own. Give them expectations and then allow time for them to make a united decision. If they come to a healthy agreement, praise their efforts. If they cannot agree and they continue arguing, discipline accordingly. However, if the issue is major like fighting or hate speech, step in and handle the situation. This means, give disciplinary actions immediately and then (in love) help the brothers find out why one was doing this to the other. Help them see that fighting (or whatever you deem ‘major’) will not be tolerated and is hurtful and doesn’t represent the family values. In short, major on the majors and minor on the minors.
Praise Problem Solving
One classic way to help tone down brother fights is to praise the brother who works to fix the situation. This characteristic will only come as the brother grows and matures but as they begin to walk away from fights, ask for forgiveness, or ask to ‘make up’ for what they broke – praise these actions! This is a sign of maturity and growth and is worthy of praise. The hope is the other brother will see positive reinforcement and buckle under positive peer-pressure!
Toning down brother fights takes work and doesn’t happen overnight but with tenderness, patience, and impartiality reconciliation is possible. Disputes are bound to happen between brothers. So teach and live in ways that demonstrate healthy ways to disagree!
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